So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
