No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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