$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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