Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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