I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
God, you're like boner-b-gone
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
