Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
