Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The beer is more important than you right now.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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