Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My vagina is officially offended.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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