I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
