People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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