you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i drank out of a bidet.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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