worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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