matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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