I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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