You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Someone came in the potted fern
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
