Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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