Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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