i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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