glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
