I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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