Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
