You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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