Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
