Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
