so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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