This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
