drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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