we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Another day, another engagement, another cat
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Randomize
