I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
