why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
