all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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