i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
