i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
