the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
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