I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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