Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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