You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
