You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
