Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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