EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
