I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i now understand why vodka
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
