They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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