Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
