do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
