Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up under a house in Key West
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