you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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