All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
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I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
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I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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