if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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