This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
