It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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