Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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