Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
her vagine was all disorganized.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
