y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
