I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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