Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the room spins SO much faster in panama
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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