I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
