I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
