That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize