her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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