I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
