Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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