I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
