I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
