He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
