is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
