You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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