Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
