I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
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it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
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Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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