The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
