I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
