It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
