he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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