First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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