dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She bit a glass in half.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
